The Last of Us

Just when you thought it safe to go back into the water.

It's all mod-con up in Whitechurch Park these days. When I turn from the N4 down on to the M50 the brightness of the CHC new digital scoreboard hits ye in the face. When you go in to the changing rooms there is not a light switch in sight. Many a time when I trained a long time ago now, I would be last man out and would make sure all the lights were turned off in the changing rooms and the clubhouse. Now motion sensitive lights switch lights on and off. All round the banks of CHC the robotic lawnmower roams up and down the slopes. But I notice it got stuck in the mud at the bottom of the grassy knoll like a certain President all those years ago. So not all change works out.

Meanwhile on the pitch the last remaining dinosaurs strut their stuff in the dying light of the winters evening. These ancient creatures started their lives on grass pitches, progressed on to grit and now play on manicured go fast stripe astros. They have changed with evolution

Firstly, you have the Caninesauras. This dinosaur has been in hibernation. But with the sniff of silverware has suddenly reappeared and is back in town.

Secondly you have the St Legendauras. This ancient relic was once lolling around at the back but suddenly has evolved and now has tendencies to rampage into the opposition circle and forget to comeback.

Thirdly you have the Van der Spuy Rex. This animal has evolved in such away that his feet have grown pimples and therefore he doesn't need to wear astro hockey shoes.

Finally, the last animal in this class is the Boylan Raptor. He is always wrapped around any opposing forward. He too has evolved to moving to the other side of the pitch. Scientists are worried about the future of this species as it is no longer able to get the leg over, the fence to fetch a ball.

Then the next class of dinasaur is the midfield. You have Canningeroosaurus. This creature was thought to have been extinct and was last seen on the right wing. But like poacher turned gamekeeper is now plying his trade at left midfield.

The Oriordanasaurus can be quite fast at times. This speed requires him to manage himself to be effective in the predatory moments.

Up front our final class of the dinosaurs is to be found. The Macagrosoreass can be found here. This animal is very aggressive but is trying to evolve into shaking hands and not fists.

The OShearaus is also another aggressive dinosaur to be found here. He too has evolved into a highly efficient predator and would skin the meat off any prey with one swipe. This creature does not like to be startled and will take a pop if agitated.

Scientists are worried about 2 dinsosaurs and if they are extinct. The Geyseraus migrated to South Africa and hasn't been seen since. The boffins fear he has succumbed to heat exhaustion in the high velts. As for the Pelowaraus the jury is out as to whether it is alive or not. People thought they heard his mating call the other day.

Back to the real action on the pitch. The skip won the toss and played agen the wind for the first half (in old money). The reds were sluggish out of the traps and conceded a soft one early doors. This spurred CHC into action. Man of the match Army Antman 3 (Moose elder calf Ewan) (it felt like there was 3 of him on the pitch he was everywhere) got an equaliser in the 2nd quarter (new money) after linking up with Victor O'Shea. The 4s were the dominant team for most of the rest of the match. Half time 1-1.

With the rain easing off there was a bit of huffing and puffing but the YMCA's house did not fall down so the Village People were happy. In the final quarter the opposition umpire (complete with Bushy Park flasher coat it seemed) had a flash of divine intervention and awarded a free against Le Chien for kicking the ball when there wasn't a paw near it. Resulting free ended up with a goal been conceded against the run of play. Likewise, CHC got a goal they didn't deserve as yours truly raised a short corner at the defender on the line. Ewan Mackay in on the rebound to took it away for the equaliser. He didn't lick it off the stones ye know.

So, one that got away. We shoulda coulda won. 2 all final result.

And they all lived happily ever after.